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He was a nice guy, in good shape, continue reading attractive. But he had kids and the judgmental words flew out of my mouth before I could think to soften them: "How was that conducive to fatherhood and a relationship? I couldn't stop myself from judging single dads. My ex had also been away with work all the time, leaving me to do the lion's share of raising our two young children.

I'd had to adjust my life and work around his work. It was clear I could never see this guy again. This date was bringing up resentment on behalf of a woman I'd never even met. I ignored his texts to meet up again. Then there was another guy I got on well with. He was chatty and fun. But he had a daughter who he had custody of and saw himself as the stable, less chaotic parent who had clear routines.

Maybe it was true, but I couldn't see beyond the things my ex probably said about me in our custody situation. I never had a second date with that guy either. Even a single dad who'd moved four hours away from his children and only saw them over school holidays wasn't right for me. What kind of father moves that far away from his kids? Men with children couldn't win. If they had equal custodyI felt like they were the enemy — I didn't want to think about my own sons being taken away from me.

If they spent less time with their children, I had a negative reaction to that too. The answer for me has been to date men without children. I've found this to be easier, as I only have time to date when my children are with their father.

I'm not looking for someone to mom a father to my children. I have no desire to single those two worlds. Navigating dating apps as a single mother was tricky at first. If the app didn't require me to mention my children, I didn't. Instead, I would bring them up only when it was relevant, which sometimes meant I never heard from my date again.

So I tried not mentioning kids at all to see if that worked better, but it was weird and uncomfortable and my story just didn't add up.

Why was I living in a city where I didn't have many friends and in an apartment that was more expensive than one a single person would normally rent? I went back to mentioning being a mother. Dating men without children has been less complicated. Some run a mile at the first whiff of children, but others stick around and have no problem with it.

Help Families Pursue What Matters

I've met some men mom were brought up by single motherswhich gave them respect for my setup. A few have had complex relationships with their own mothers and are drawn to the nurturing side I've developed since becoming one myself. On my breaks from motherhood, I'm also dating from the constant issues and tensions that can come from having an ex who has to remain present in my life. In that more carefree mode on my days off, the last thing I want to deal with is someone else's ex, even if it's just hearing about them.

In the five years since I've been single, I'd say a third of the guys I've been interested in have been single dads, and two-thirds have not. All of them knew I had children. After deleting dating apps from my phone a few years ago, these days I only date men I'm already friends with — single if they live in dating countries.

Some of them have already met my sons. I make it a point to keep the romantic side of things for my off-duty days. Interestingly, the non-fathers are just as hard to make plans with as the click at this page because they're equally busy — albeit with travel, hobbies, and friends — not looking after kids.

I've found they tend to be into more casual relationships than single dads, who often seem to be searching for a life partner. Motherhood demands a lot of my time and attention, so less intense relationships suit me better at this point in my life.

Single like not having to talk about where the relationship is going and how we could one mom blend our families and juggle exes. Got a personal essay about life as a single parent that you dating to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus businessinsider.

Single Moms Get Dinged for Dating Around. They Shouldn’t!

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Impact Link. This story is available single to Business Insider subscribers. Become an Insider and start reading now. Have an account? Log in. Nicola Prentis has been a single mom to two sons for five years. When she started dating again, she found herself to be too judgmental of single dads. She has quit using dating apps and goes out mainly with men who mom fathers. Read preview. Thanks for signing up! Go to newsletter preferences. Access your favorite topics in a personalized feed while you're on the go. Email address.

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