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This is the free weekly version of this newsletter. In the least surprising news of the year, actor Leonardo DiCaprio has broken up with yet another girlfriend once she reached the ripe old age of But this is girl one of those moments that I suspect we will look back on in 20 years and wonder why we thought it was humorous and not… pretty icky.

Listen: Not all relationships that have a significant age gap are gross or predatory. But the younger one of the participants, the grosser, and the greater the probability of manipulation, coercion, abuse, or just you are a really pathetic person. A year-old dating a year-old or an year-old is fine. A year-old dating a year-old? Truly, deeply, extremely pathetic. Surely he meets a wide variety of attractive women who span all younger. There is something about women in this age range that DiCaprio, an adult man, finds uniquely attractive. I suspect it is that for a particular type of extremely insecure and self-involved man, teenage girls and earlys women are generally more pliable and forgiving than women read more own age — particularly of older men who have resources, status, and authority.

Men who serially date significantly younger women are not looking for equal partners. These men are indeed dating for someone who will admire them, who they can mold, and who will make them feel sophisticated and important. This is why a larger relationship age gap later in life is less and less of a problem: Those first 25 or so years of life are each pretty just click for source as you age, each subsequent year becomes less and less meaningful in terms of maturity guys life changes.

Younger years between 18 and, say, 30 are for most people completely transformative: You go from being a teenager to finishing your schooling to getting a job to actually growing into something resembling a future. Your brain literally hits maturity. This past semester, I taught undergraduates at NYU, who were roughly 20 on average. They were in a completely girl life stage. Their day-to-day had almost nothing in common with mine, and neither did their concerns or stressors or interests. And that is as it should be.

The experience of teaching undergraduates also drove home for me: wtf is wrong with male professors who are my age or older and seek out undergrads to date? Human beings are a diverse bunch, and relationships between individuals are complicated and unique. Power is also not always an easily-defined thing, and older is not dating only by wealth and status. I am sure there are some women in their early 20s who have had wonderfully egalitarian relationships with men in their 40s or beyond, and I am sure those men were not at all insecure egomaniacs looking for someone they could mold and define and therefore unable to date women older own age.

But then there are patterns — like the men who get older while their girlfriends stay the same age, or the men who seem to have an age cap of 25 even while they careen toward But power matters, not just in our politics and our workplaces, but in our families and intimate relationships.

And when men with significant power continually seek out learn more here who have less, that should at least raise girl eyebrows and send some guys rolling. What was interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Facebook, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with girlfriends who reached their 25th birthday.

Not only was I treated to several mansplaining responses telling me that it's normal to see men of DiCaprio's age preferring young women. But that most men feel the same. This horrified me because that would mean that women are considered much less attractive after age 25 and that younger rich white guy with a young girl on his arm is older considered OK by our patriarchal culture.

It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are Those that "represent" women the "loudest" in the fight for visibility, equality, and respect frequently do not represent well in their personal lives.

A discussion on what psychologically drives a man to not choose a partner of their own generation and maturity but rather a younger intelligent woman is very helpful for young women who may not understand fully what they may miss as they live through their 20s and early 30s, an important beautiful and challenging time in their lifeif they are manipulated and controlled by one who is "wiser" and "established". Share this post.

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The Problem With Men Who Date Much Younger Women

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Unpicking the mythology of the older man....

Marycat Marycat Sep 1, What was interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Facebook, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with girlfriends who reached their 25th birthday.

Expand full comment Reply Share. Sep 2, It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are