NOTE: The following content is a raw transcript and has not been edited for grammar, punctuation, or word usage. Hey, today we're kicking off our brand new series that I'm super excited about, Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks.
And as we jump into this real quick, I wanna tell you who this is for. This is for students dating want to date and hope to date, this is for graduates who want a date and hope to date, this is for singles who are dating, this is for married people who are trying to make their marriages better, this is for people who used to be married and are jumping back into the scary, awful aquarium of dating, where love just seems so complicated and it's not like it was when you were 18, and you were trying to figure that out.
So this series is really for anybody who's in a romantic relationship, wants to be in a romantic relationship, hopes to be and is trying to figure it out.
And one of the reasons that I'm super excited about this series as well, is this series gives me an opportunity to talk about something that breaks my heart. And one of the things that breaks my heart has to do with what we're gonna talk about. Because watching people make relationship decisions that undermine their relationships, that just breaks my heart.
Watching people make decisions about their own relationships, whether it's marriage or dating or whatever it might be that I know and I'm not super dialed in. Most people would watch them and think, "Oh no, you're gonna do what?
There is already enough, and it is true, there's enough unavoidable pain in the world. The last thing we need to do is to add to it with our own decisions. And like you, it's not just me, sometimes I watch people and I think, "Have you thought that through? Have you really thought that through or dating you Come on, have you really ever seen that work out anywhere else with anybody else? Or I think, "Has no one warned you about this?
Did your mama not warn you, or your grandmama, or your dad or a friend or a roommate? And I'll show pregnant and dating you who else I'm excited about to be a part of this series, for those of you that are dating and you're serial daters, For you, if a date doesn't end with sex, you don't even You just chalk it up to a loss, you're just in that place where gay thug dating like, "One day some day, I'm gonna settle down.
But that's one day some day, it's not this day. In fact, you don't even really call it date, that's something your parents did. It's a dark ages thing. But you're in a season of life and you're not ashamed of it, you're not bashful about it, it's just, this is just where you are. It's a use them and lose them, rotate through. And that's your business 'cause it's your life but I just gotta tell you, and you may not care, but that's heart breaking to me, too.
And the reason it's heart breaking to me is, and you don't have to believe this, is you're hurting you and you're hurting somebody else. And here's what I know about you, even though we've never met, you don't wanna hurt yourself and you don't wanna hurt other people.
In fact, if I were to confront you, you would say, "No, no, no, no, it's consensual. I'm not hurting anybody. It's consensual, but if it's consensual and it still hurts a person, sex on, it just still hurts of person. And you don't wanna do that. And here's the other thing part concerns me about you if that's the season of life you're in, I don't and you to be, and I made this up so I don't know if this is like a real thing, I don't want you to be a liar for life.
"And" don't want you to be a liar for life when it comes time to tell your story. Because what you're doing right now morally and what you're doing right now relationally, these are chapters of part story.
And they are permanent parts love your story. And one day, believe it or not, somebody's gonna wanna hear your story and you're gonna wanna hear somebody else's story. And depending on what you sex now, you're gonna be tempted to lie about parts of your story.
And you're gonna be a liar for life because you're gonna and a secret, or you're and have a series of secrets, or a season of life you don't wanna talk about. And when it gets to that season you're gonna snooze over it a little bit. And I've talked to too many women guys, who married a guy and he told about half the story. And a year later, she found out the whole story, or 15 years later, she found just click for source the rest of the story and she's broken and she's heart broken.
Because she didn't get a chance to choose you with your whole story because you lied about your story. And the reason you lied about your story, just love use an old-fashioned word, is you were ashamed of your story, you were embarrassed by your story.
Love, Dates & Heartbreaks ● Part 1 | "The Right Person Myth"
And here's the thing, I'm not getting on you, I don't want you to write an embarrassing story. I don't want you to write a story you're embarrassed about. I want you to write a good story. And I don't want you to be a liar for life because of decisions you make now.
Because that breaks somebody's heart. And I don't want you to be somebody else's regret when they tell their dating. When your name comes up, I want them to say good things about you, don't you?
And let's face it, when your name comes up, they're gonna say something about you. You know they will because sex say something about the people in your past. And you're deciding what they're gonna say. And I don't want you to be somebody's regret. I part you to be somebody's, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but he was such a great guy. Love guys I don't want you to be a hypocrite.
And here's what I mean by that. If someone did unto your sister as you do unto the girls you date, you may want to do something unto them. If someone did unto your niece or your single sex, as you do unto the girls you dating, you may want to do something unto them. I don't want you to be a hypocrite. Don't let there be duplicity don't live a double life, don't live with a part standard because ultimately, that hurts you and that hurts other people and that just kind of breaks my heart because it sets you up for trouble that you don't need in the future.
And ladies and I don't like to really talk to ladies I've never been one. Okay, so, I realized as dating as I was moving this direction, I step out on I'm very thin, so I'm sex put out there and head back stage, but ladies, [laughter] I don't want you to be treated like a commodity. And you know what a commodity is? A commodity is something that's bought and sold and traded and sometimes eventually just discarded. And maybe, depending dating your life and culture and the way you've managed your relationships maybe you started to feel a little bit like a commodity.
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I don't want you to feel that way. I want you to feel part someone who has extraordinary value and extraordinary worth not just based on what God says about you, but based on the way that men treat you. And men, I want you, I want you, and this is an old fashion word too. I want you to step up, I want you to be gentlemen. See gentle men gentlemen, is powerful, self-control is powerful, deferring to the wishes of another person is part, kindness is powerful, grace and mercy is powerful.
And ladies, don't you wish there were more gentlemen? And ladies I wish you would do whatever you have to do whatever is in your control, to decide, "I am no longer going to allow myself to be mistreated. Now, there are two myths that drive all this confusion relationally, especially when it comes to how we manage our sexuality and how we do dating and relationships and even within the context of marriage.
And like most myths, once "part" surface a myth and look at it, you realize, "Well that's just ridiculous. Whenever there's an unexplored assumption, it's a very dangerous thing because an unexplored assumption will inform your decisions, but you don't know it's informing your decisions and you make bad decisions.
And these two relational myths inform so many of [chuckle] the decisions in our culture and honestly, everything in our culture fuels these myths. These two myths, these two myths for many of us actually drive our relationship decisions.
The first one is this, you may have heard me talk about it before. I just call dating the right person myth, the right person myth is not that there's not a right person for you. The right person myth is this, that once you meet the right person, everything will be all right. And all the married people grumble and go, "Yeah, that ain't true.
Because I met him. It's not true. Right, right. The myth is that once you meet the right person, everything's just gonna be all right regardless of what you do between now and then the myth is this; I can play, I can play around, I can do whatever I want, I can treat sex the way, I want girls the way I want I can just do whatever I want but when I meet the right person, everything's gonna change.
The past love. So you think your problem is you just haven't met them yet or you met them and moved in with them or you met them and you married them sex now things aren't all right, anymore. And you are slowly coming to the conclusion that you must have chosen the wrong right person, [laughter] and now and are looking out for, you're looking for who?
You're looking for the next right person. And and I say it that way, it sounds ridiculous, but let's be honest, this way of thinking fuels our relationship decisions and oftentimes it informs the direction that we take when it comes to relationships that I'm unhappy 'cause I'm with the wrong person. You're unhappy because you're with the wrong person, so you just need to find the right person, and then everything's gonna be alright.
That is a myth that once you find them, once you find them, everything is going to be just fine. In fact, not only is everything gonna be fine. Here's the deeper part of the myth, the assumption is that once you find the right person, everything is gonna be fine, including you, that you think somehow you're gonna quit all those bad habits, you're not gonna be interested love porn anymore, once you meet the right person, right guys?
That click here insecurity is just gonna go away, your financial bad habits are just gonna go away 'cause you're and find somebody's little coin and he's gonna help you manage all that and it's just gonna get better.
If I could just meet the right person. Not only is everything gonna be all right, I'm gonna be all right, I'm gonna love a better person. I love that the line in Kacey Musgraves song, "Thinking we will be fixed by someone else.