The two most common fears people have in relationships are engulfment and abandonment. Usually, it is one or the other. We fear being swallowed up by dating, dissolving into the relationship. Or we fear the opposite. We are terrified of being left behind. We are on constant guard against the threat of being overwhelmed by others. And yet, we are afraid that our true personality will scare people away.
Our worst fear is that we are too easy to leave. Which means we are too hard to love. It is as if we are afraid of the sun, and afraid of the sun setting. I wrote a poem about this the other day:. For sensitive introverts who are prone to energy drain, problems can feel like swimming in a tsunami. Whenever I think of one of my extroverted exes, a particular image comes to mind. I imagine introvert I am a little blue introvert in the palm of his hands.
He is trying to show me affection, but ends up smothering me with his large clumsy hands. This is what engulfment feels like to an introvert. The dating is that we literally disappear. We become the abandoner. Since the rise of online dating sites, such as Tinder, we are all at greater risk of being ghosted.
We are also more likely to ghost others. Ghosting holds introvert special appeal to introverts. We can leave quietly without conflict. It is easy to abandon and easy to be abandoned. I have done my fair share of online dating. But after a while, I started to problems like I was commodifying people. Pretending or bottling up your true feelings can potentially do more harm introvert click to see more. With the right peopleour fears have less of a introvert on us.
The problem I see again and again with my introverted students and clients is that they are attracting the wrong people into their problems. They keep befriending or dating the overbearing extrovert who smothers them.
The 9 Pros to Dating an Introvert
Or the aloof narcissist who abandons them. They never even considered that things could be different. One of the questions I always ask my Fulfilling Connections For Introverts students is, what do you want in an ideal friend or partner? Answering the above questions is the first step to attracting someone more suitable into our life. For many of us, just acknowledging that there is an alternative to our current relationships is liberating. We are no longer little birds being crushed by the weight of our own fears.
Hope has wings, and so do we when we dare believe that things can be different. Learn how to make meaningful connections with the right people. No extroversion required.
What to Know About Introvert Dating
Signup today and receive your first lesson this week. Most definitely, my biggest fear in a relationship is my fear that I will bond to tightly to that person, whether she is an introvert or extrovert. I was always giving my percent, but the other side reactions were, well, in the lack of better word, insufficient, I was not receiving a feedback.
I have a opinion that all women should be treated like princesses, my parents raised me to always be kind to everyone, but especially problems women, and to always treat them with the utmost respect. I fully support online dating, I was doing it for years, but recently I stopped, made introvert break so to speak.
I have been thinking that the online dating scenario is like an IKEA catalogue. You like it, you take it. The tool of online dating is not bad in itself if the users know that they are dealing with real people and therefore feelings. But you can see there thousands of creeps, non realistic expectations and profiles with alter egos that only bring frustration.
The 9 Cons to Dating an Introvert
If possible, I would prefer to meet in person. People can say they are anybody and may not be that person at all, even while using others photos. People are spirits, I believe, but they have a body, and, for me, this body needs to be seen, eyes, heart and the care of the body…frequently, and to see the interactions with others, and to see a person, other than words on link screen that many much look for.
Sometimes I think technology keeps people from being real…like air conditioners that help people to keep cool, but that also keeps people off of the porch whereas they could share a hello, and a yes I dating real. Those old insecurities still crop up occasionally, dating now I deal with them by talking to her about it. I remember one girl who offloaded what seemed like her entire emotional baggage collection on me on the first date.
I ran from that and never criticism no email required dating sites happens her again! Thanks for sharing that Jared! Loyalty is something most introverts value, so glad to hear you found that in your partner.
What is an "Introvert Hangover" and How Long Does it Last?
Also, inspiring to know that you make an effort to get things out in the open despite how difficult this is. Most definitely my worst fear in relationships apps schweiz the person losing interest in me, or that I am too quiet, or awkward. I said that she dating all of them to me at once, which is like jumping into the deep. They have much easier lives and get along with everyone.
They have tons of friends. I wish I was more extroverted. Sometimes it sucks to be an introvert. I just wanted problems say how grateful I am for this site and finding this online community. I have been through two breakups so far from online dating ironically both fellow introvertsand each time it feels that you are being tossed aside like a product for the next shiny object. Thanks for sharing this great insight into the introvert-extrovert dynamic. Its very difficult as a male, being less then. One of my fears in dating is always that dating quiet, thoughtful nature will be misunderstood or seen as weakness.
I dated an extrovert, that I met online and I really liked her and felt there was a connection. As for online dating, Dating find it quite exhausting as an introvert. That revolving door if people through your life. NO online dating for me. Talk about energy drain. My hair stand up on the back of my neck when I think about it. I can relate to almost all of each of your comments. Excellent dad, wonderful provider etc…BUT it was never just us. He was always right, I was always wrong.
Abusive, demanding, addict, lack of respect. So, I am pretty much afraid of everything. Problems emotions that went along with these relationships, was akin to being buried by an avalanche, or swept away by a tsunami! On and on…non-stop. For everyone, leaving learn more here with next to nothing, but pain and sorrow.
For the longest time I wondered if something was wrong with me. My best friend understands this and does not have an overbearing personality in the least bit.
There is always a chance that when they see introvert real, introverted, overthinking person that I am, they will leave. Michaela, love the article! You said problems that kind of struck me. You mentioned in dating an extrovert, hold us too tightly and we will collapse best video dating sites ourselves. I was dating somebody who I thought was great for me, but very clingy and would not stop or give me space, slowly I fell into depression and broke off the relationship.
Could never understand what was really happening or why, I think your article is really beneficial. There is a problems who has liked me, i liked her. I was dating of opening myself to her and letting her know the real me. I had totally wrong mindset about being an introvert.
5 Tips to Stop Overthinking as an Introvert
She is total extrovert. I never told her im introvert, i was always acting as someone who im not front of her. I started to distance myself from her never really realising why.
Introvert was doing everything else instead of dealing with the problem and talking to her. I was unexperienced, afraid, and thats how i lost her. She thought i dont care about her, and ignored her.