A few months ago, I went on a first date with a white man.
We decided to go to the pub, very casual. I sat there and nodded politely, feigning interest as he told me about how his grandfather white to tell him about it when he was young, how he how subsequently dreamt of moving there, and how this led him to study Mandarin at university. Bear in mind that Cantonese is the primary language of Hong Man, not Mandarin. I had no idea how to react. But to deliver a full-blown oration on the merits of a life lived in Hong Kong to someone whose interest you assumed on the basis of their ethnic identity is unnecessary to say the least.
The other aspect of this encounter that I found deeply uncomfortable was the part different I different made to feel like an academic subject. When we moved on to the topic more info family, which I foolishly assumed would be safe territory, he would nod along knowingly read: frustratingly as I told him about my interactions with my parents, as if he recognised everything I was saying from a module on Confucian familial values he took in his second year.
So why do I still accept when white guys ask me out? InChristian Rudder, co-founder of OkCupid and a Harvard-educated data scientist, carried out research on dating preferences by analysing millions of records. He discovered that Asian men are the least desirable racial group to women and that black women are interracial speed nyc least desirable racial group to men.
Not only that, white men got more replies from almost every ethnic group. While the study only seems to include data on heterosexual relationships, the conclusion is clear: white men are statistically the most desirable. But why?
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From my experience on this date alone, it would appear that there are not just cultural boundaries, but also racial insensitivities to be faced when dating white people. It goes without saying that there is a difference in privilege which can lead to a power imbalance. For example, whenever my sister announced that she had a new boyfriend, my parents would never fail to inquire as to his ethnicity.
If he was white, there would be grudging approval. I had similar experiences: a white boy was very palatable but a South Asian boy necessitated further questioning. I think this is partially because my parents think that having a white partner allows for easier assimilation — something they value highly — but perhaps there is also an unspoken sense of superiority that can be derived from climbing a putative racial hierarchy. Relationship dynamics between white people and people of colour can also be complicated.
People of colour are often viewed and treated dating less desirable than their white counterparts.
Interactions with white people on the dating scene can leave us feeling othered. Incessant race-based white chafe. Despite all of this, interracial couples have reported being more satisfied in their relationships than intraracial couples.
Cultural boundaries can be crossed and racial presuppositions can be unlearned. Troy, A. Interracial and intraracial romantic relationships: The search for differences in satisfaction, conflict, and attachment style.
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