Namely, sex. The point is, we spend more time pondering sex, scheming to initiate sex, manipulating events and people to get sex and of course, begging another person to provide us with sex, than any other endeavor.

So here are some rules that, if implemented correctly, should allow you to achieve maximum pleasure. Granted, this is applicable in any geographical location, hotel it bears stating regardless. Guys, be prepared to go South if your gal prefers you to.

And ladies? Men are pretty easy to please, after all. That way, you can avoid any awkward situations.

And chaffing. Building, insuring, maintaining and staffing a hotel requires millions of dollars in capital. And so some hotel room walls can be notoriously thin. Put me in the corner! Every day I serve guests who refuse to let discretion be their guide. Or any type of sexual device, for that matter. The last hotel employee that filled that request is now working the midnight shift at McDonalds…. Never forget, kids, the mind is the most powerful sexual organ. For all those surfaces you plan on fornicating upon.

Contrary to popular belief, alcohol actually inhibits sexual performance. So go easy on the booze. Having been a bellman for hotel years, it takes A LOT to phase me. But not everyone has seen the things my eyes have beheld. Lust is a wonderful emotion. Love even more-so. In fact, growing up, I was told love is exciting and new. The Love Boat had no reason to deceive me, right?

But it keep the public displays of affection under control, folks. Not everyone is cut out to hump like a machine for hours and spout dirty talk like Jesse Jane. Not to mention how degrading some adult films can be to women. Never take your partner for granted. They may be the last person you get to see naked — ever. Here, straight from the vault of my encyclopedic knowledge of the hotel learn more here, is the most important detail to hookup in mind when engaging in hotel sex….

Especially if the plan is to ensconce yourselves in the room for days. Cereal bars, fresh local fruit that you can keep in the fridge, and healthy, hotel foods from room service will keep you going. Above all else, keep reaching for the water, not soda or booze. Dehydration is the enemy, friends. I hope it was good for you. See you in the lobby, folks….

No offense to the Bloke. Any hookup would be blessed to hear that from you. You are definitely right to emphasize dehydration Hook. Imagine travelling all that way, making arrangements for teens so you can be alone paying for the transportation, the room, the meals — the finally getting down to the purpose and finding you are dehydrated and unable to perform. Well done Hook! Thanks for the laughs, Hook. Haha this has a special place in my heart. I was a housekeeper a year ago in a tourist town. People need a manual, and Hook delivers with humor and decorum.

As usual, a champ for the chumps.

LOL I love this — a groovy mix of spice, funniness and insight. Cheers for equality and respect! Even blow-up dolls deserve TLC. I feel like you should teach Sex Ed: Tips has signs youre dating a narcissistic man topic Tricks, to a hookup of highschoolers.

Seems like a waste of great space and, er, handcuffs. Think off all the blog material you could be creating!

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The Hook On… Tipping. Pun intended. Holding hands is fine, and sweet even. Leaning into one another while walking or while in line to check-in is equally acceptable and moving. Pecks on the cheek, hands, neck and shoulder are perfectly acceptable. Snogging in the lobby? Again, keep it controlled. Dry-humping in the elevator in the middle of the night? Dry-humping in the elevator in the middle of the check-out frenzy? Dry-humping at my desk? Dry-humping on my desk? Here, straight from the vault of my encyclopedic knowledge of the hotel biz, is the most important detail to bear in mind when engaging in hotel sex… 1 Keep plenty of food and water on hand.

Like Loading About The Hook Husband. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition.

And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm hotel told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. You can call me Hotel Hook, everyone else does. Bookmark the permalink.

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