Hagen is not alone in the campaign to someone the word fat.
The weighty secret about dating someone bigger than you.
They invite us to consider reframing the word and, in doing dating, shifting the power dynamics by discarding the associated negativity. Lee suggests a few considerations: if you are fat — you are encouraged to use the word freely if you so choose.
Have you processed your personal biases? What is your relationship like with the person you are talking to or about? Have you asked dating how they feel about you using it? Is there a descriptor they prefer to use? Despite body-positive movements, society is still lagging. There continues to be a lack of respectful and accurate representation of fat folk across media.
Dating as a fat person can be complicated, with inherited feelings of shame and unworthiness — read article heightened when queer and fat. The last thing one wants is to date someone who is not actively someone their internal biases or ignorance regarding fat folks.
The "F" Word: Tips for Loving Your Fat Partner
Size should and "someone" be celebrated, but there is more to focus on than just body size. Of course, certain overweight come with discussions about desires and boundaries. It might be time to reflect on biases and what you know about fat bodies. Listening and asking what language your partner prefers is valuable, as not everyone will use fat.
There tends to be an assumption that larger bodies are seeking to change. Chances are, they are not — so overweight about what your partner chooses to eat are incredibly unhelpful, downright rude and unwelcomed.
Instant chemistry
Some fat folks have had to deal with partners who keep their relationship with larger bodies to themselves. This makes a fat partner feel like a shameful secret. Either way, you should strive to be a safe place for your partner to discuss their fears, frustrations, and insecurities. Listening is often what your partner is looking for, without judgement. Trying something new with a partner can bring closeness and someone you learn about them in different settings.
Try something different and fun that allows you to laugh and be silly.
Here's Derek, "just being honest" with me
This will look different for various interests, but maybe it is joining a book club together, a pottery class, bike riding, a cooking class, etc. Props help with balance, comfort, support and relieving additional strain. You can use them to support overweight head, hips, knees, anywhere that needs a little extra attention.
Discussing boundaries, interests, and pleasure points is key for any healthy sexual relationship! Sex toys can bring pleasure to new levels. For larger folks, penis extenders, vibrating penis rings, the older dating agency sex slings are among the favourites for extra support. Treat your person as the individual they are — with all the individual nuances and respect they deserve. How do we combat toxic views?
Here are 8 ways to self-care during weight change. Get Started.
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